DILF's and puberty

So I know I haven't really been writing lately. And when I do write, it's some depressing ass bullshit. I know. I'm sorry. I haven't been doing much. I literally go to work and come home. With the occasional public inebriation. And I would absolutely love to tell you about those times. However, they will be saved for in person conversations. Solemnly because they are rated for mature audiences only. But today. Today! I have decided to write about my room service experience. Well I actually decided I was going to do it yesterday, but then I got drunk with my flatmates. Which by the way, they are some cool ass bitches. Like, we all in the same boat and shit. Scotland here I come. Anyway, so I have been having some strange things happen when I do room service. Not super strange, but shit that I think is pretty funny.

So it all starts with me going in to work everyday with an attitude. No real reason for having one. Because when I go to work, I get to work with most of my favorite people. Got to work with my ALL time favorite cook. She is just one of the best things that happened to me at this job. And I say one, because there are others as well. I have my favorite manager, my ALL time favorite hostess, and my one and only favorite Vanilla Milkshake. I even got to work 8 hours today. So I had no reason to complain about my job at all today. And I didn't. That much. But I am finding it harder to find things to complain about, when I get to work with them. They help me forget where I am by making me laugh my ass off so much. But no fear, I still find something to complain about. It's hard. Not impossible for me. Just one of my many skills I have.

Anywho, I go to this room today to drop off their food. And this little girl who couldn't be more than 5 opens the door. They just ordered some ice cream. So I see her struggling and I help her open the door, then I see her dad walk out of the bathroom. With a towel. Barely covering his waist. And had clearly just gotten out of the shower. So he was also still kind of wet. And because when he came out, I was kneeling to speak to the little girl, I met his dick before I met his eyes. And can I say......... LOL. I was comfortable where I was. But then I felt very awkward because I then checked his whole body out. Which was oh so lovely. But he noticed me noticing him.So then I realized what I was doing and automatically got embarrassed. I went to go speak to him, after finally finding where his eyes were located, and my voice cracks. Like some 12 year old boy going through puberty. I say boy, because it is more embarrassing for boys than it is for girls. I had no idea what to do but to run. Or walk very quickly back downstairs. But seriously though. Hello DILF. Am I right? LOL Hottie with a body over here.

Here's some photos

So I thought this Crocodile was fake when I first saw it. Turns out it wasn't. Learned that Crocodiles limit their movement to avoid burning too much energy on unnecessary movements. Guess I found what I want to be when I grow up. LOL

He straight maxed that chicken though. I aint even mad at him.

When you delete Tinder

I am officially throwing in the towel on finding any kind of companionship here. There is no point in putting  myself through unnecessary emotional distress. I mean, that's not even why I came out here in the first place anyway. I came here to figure out what I wanted my next career step to be. Which I still think I don't know what it is. I thought I did, but I love to do this thing called second guessing myself. If you have never tried, you absolutely must. Makes life more interesting. But anyway, here is my towel and my white flag. Do with it what you will. I no longer need them.

So I am deleting all of my "dating" apps. They don't do anything but cause trouble for me. I talk to these guys for a few days, then they are gone. What is the point? To pass the slowing time? I don't even hang out with them. Or go on dates. I just text them or chat with them. But I always feel inadequate after. And that is where my issue lays. Why should I put myself in a position where I feel like I am less than I am? I know that I am not, but sometimes as woman, we feel the need to justify why our need is not being fulfilled. And the one that ends up suffering the most is ourselves. I don't think it's fair. Especially because it's coming from within.

I mean, whenever we are interested in someone and get rejected, we automatically assume that it is something wrong with us. We make ourselves crazy thinking how we can change in order to find companionship. It's in our nature. Yet it breaks my heart to see us go through this types of emotions. So I say fuck it. I am done with feeling like I don't have control. I mean, if a guy stops talking to me or gives me mixed signals, then I'm done. There are more fish in the sea. And I don't know if you remember, but the sea is pretty endless. So fuck this. Fuck that. And do what you got to do boo.

But total side note, the guy from my last entry is starting to get his shit together. After we had a long conversation about why he is being kind of a prick, I mean, he straight hit me with the, "I want to get to know you better, but I don't want to lead you on." Apparently he thought I wanted to be in a relationship with him. Which don't get me wrong, I would not mind because I like the way he makes me feel. But I just wanted to get to know him better and hang out. You know, go with the flow. LOL. But he is making more of an effort. Which is nice. And I know I probably sound hypocritical right now, but fuck it. This is my blog. And I say what I want. LOL.

Here's some photos.

A peguin on a mission

I still can't decide if this thing is cute or not. I just don't understand it. 

Here's one hating ass bird. 

Don't know what these birds are, but turns out they do have 2 legs and not just 1. Fun fact of the day. That's one hell of a leg day bro.

Mo money mo problems

So there is this guy. Yeah yeah, OMG Christen is interested in a guy. I get it. It's a big shocker to me too. Now I have never made the first move in my life. Like ever. It's just something I don't do. Mostly because I was always too shy or embarrassed. Also I had a big fear of rejection. But I have learned, that it is stupid to be afraid of rejection. And like Jay-Z once said: "On to the next one. On on to the next." So making the first move with this guy was a huge step for me. I mean, first off, I didn't even know he was interested in me. I just thought whenever I saw him, he was just being nice to me. Which is what I automatically assume with all guys. Regardless if they are interested in me or not. If they don't come out and say, Hey Christen I like you, then I am not going to know that they do. And still even then, it's tricky for me to realize it. Talk about being oblivious.

Anyway, I met him at a night club that I go to every Friday. Cause this club is Fa Free every Friday. But he works as a bouncer there. So every time my girls and I go, I always have some fun flirty conversations with him. Now, I may not know when a guy likes me,  but I definitely know when I am being flirt. Even though I pretend that I don't know I do. Every single time. So yes, I would flirt with him. But not on purpose. I just couldn't help myself. I'm like all cute and charming and shit. It's in my blood. So a couple weeks ago, my friends where telling me how he likes me. And I am like, naw bro. He's just being nice. He talks to everyone it's kinda his job. So they were like, No bitch. He is definitely interested in you. So the following time we went, I paid a little more attention to when he talked to me. And I realized that they were right. Or so I had assumed.

Now when I talk to a new guy, I have some very effective rules that I like to stick to. Because I know they work. And because I am trying to get the feel of how I feel about the guy before I feel like I've wasted my time. But this time was oh so different. I broke all of my rules and just dove head in. So I asked him for his number and texted first. The first night was cool. We chatted a little when he got off work. I understand he works a lot and normally gets off at around 4 in the morning. Cool. I get it. But since we had exchange numbers, I have been the only one initiating anything. trying hard to make our schedules work so that we can hang out. And  now I am so confused. Because he doesn't show or acts as if he is interested in me. I mean granted, he never came out and said anything about being interested in me. But I told him that I was definitely wanted to get to know him more.

But I thought if you consistently ignore others around the person you are trying to talk to, and constantly flirt with them and compliment them on their appearance; Or even ask them questions to try to get to know them better, then that meant you were at least semi interested in them. Right? But now that I think about it, maybe he just wanted to be friends. Now I kind of feel like a crazy bitch. Because I think I caught feelings for him. And I don't know where or how the hell that happened. I barely even know the guy. But I do want him to like me more than a friend. I mean I am so sick of being one of the damn homies. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my male friends and I am one of the best wing-mans out in these streets. Yet at some point, I want more for myself than that. I am an awesome ass person. If I was a guy, I totally would date my fine ass. But it is hard out here for a pimp. So yeah. Guess my feelings about this situation has became irrelevant.

Then something crazy happened last night though. So because I live right in the center of club central, after they close, I can hear everyone trying to get home. Just all the drunk people. Now last night, I didn't go out because I got off work pretty late. So I just stayed in and netflixed. I went to bed around 2:30 am. Just dozed off. Around 3 or so, I was awoken by a couple arguing. Now Most of the time I don't care about the people arguing outside, but something told me to take  my earplugs out and listen to them. So I came in at the end of it and all I heard was them screaming profanities at each other. But what really caught my interest about this particular couple was that the guy involved, sounded exactly like the guy I am trying to talk to. Then I hear the girl say his name. and my ass just had to look out the balcony after I heard her say his name.

So that is what a nosy bitch did. I jumped out of bed and looked over my balcony. I didn't see the girl because she had got in a car by the time I looked. But I did see the guy I am suppose to be talking to crossing the street. Like, what are the odds that he is arguing with some girl right outside of my apartment building. It was the strangest ting ever. Then of course, my very colorful mind went wild with questions. Should I confront him? Was it actually him that I saw? Is that his girlfriend that he was talking too? Am I fighting to become someone side bitch? What the hell where they arguing about? Now I don't know why, but that really shook me up. So even though it was 3:30 in the morning, I had to text Sherelle. Because I knew this bitch would be up. I told her what happened and she was in as much disbelief as I was.

Now it's not about the fact that he was arguing with another woman. Fine whatever, not my business. What was interesting was that they were arguing in front of my apartment. Out of all the places, they were there. And I woke up to hear the ending part of it. I mean, if that was his girlfriend, Then it would explain so many things. But I don't feel like I have the right to ask him about it. Plus what would I even say? Yeah I heard you arguing with a woman outside my apartment in the middle of the night, so I peeked to listen? Then I would really seem like a crazy bitch. Sherelle said it was meant for me to hear them. But we can't figure out why. I find it creepy as shit though.

Well here's some photos.

Me thugging in the mountains. I didn't choose the thug life. It chose me.

Talk about every senior picture ever.

Oh Shit. Mountains getting sexy up in this bitch.

Damn. Got even sexier. Screw Kim Kardashian. I'm breaking the internet now.

I got 99 problems and men are half on them.

I'm not even sure how to start this entry. I don't normally spill out my feelings about intimacy for the world to see. But I guess the best way to do it is with word vomit. I used to think that I had a hard time with guys when I was back in America. You know with being with shitty guys and then being single for almost 7 years. I just never felt that I had much luck with them. So like any sane woman would do, I thought about becoming a lesbian. figure it was the best option I had. So I weighed the pros and cons of it, and while I highly respect and love lesbians, I am not cut out for it. So I had to learn to deal with men. But the older I get, the more confused I get about them.

Fast forward to now......... I feel even more confused about the opposite sex more than ever. I don't know if it's because I am becoming more of a woman who understands her needs and what she wants. Or because..... Shit I can't even finish that statement. That's how confused I am. Now I just started to get the hang of dealing with American men. Then I had to go fuck up some shit and move to Australia. So now I have to deal with Australian men. Which is a whole different story. I mean it is literally like dealing with another species. My poor brain can't deal with it. And my heart has no say because that bitch is locked up in a cage somewhere. And she not getting out for a while.

Now I am not just talking about some guy that I am talking to. Well trying to talk to. The situation is an unnecessary complicated. But I am also talking about men that I deal with on a daily basis. Rather they are my coworkers with too big of a fucking male egos for their own good or my landlord. Hell, even some of my male friends I am so confused about. I feel like I am having issues with all of the men in my life right now. I mean, does anyone else have this issue? Where it seems like they are all fucked up at the same time? Is this some kind of cruel horrible storm before the sunny day? Or is it just what happens when you turn 25?  Maybe it's a cultural thing. That's a thing though. Right? 

I wish there was an instruction manual on how to deal. Cause on a scale from 0 to even, A bitch straight can't. And I think it would be better for me not to stab one of them. Especially when I have to work with them and they all have their stupid penis club. Also, because I am not trying to be the one lady with 37 cats. Granted, I could name all of them IF I needed too. I think I just need my Vanilla Latte here with me. I know this is a confusing blog entry, but the next entry will help sum up some questions you may have. In the mean time, look at some photos.

My expression on trying to figure men out. Clueless.

Me trying to find love in hopeless places.

Some random Asian ladies wanted to get our pictures. LOL.

When the bitching ends.......Jk, it doesn't

Hooray for a positive blog post!!! Or a boring one. Whatever. Anyway, I am very excited to tell what happened with my job. Things are very slowly changing for the better. Whoever said bitching doesn't solve anything? Because I am pretty sure that's what I've been doing since I've been out here. But I am excited to say that I have complained so much to the program that I went through, that they straight outta Compton my jobs ass. Well not really, but that way sounded much cooler. LOL. Granted I still hate going into work  because, you know, it's work. And it's not what I want to do with my life. But fuck it cause I'm in Australia.

So while I was having issues with my hours, I guess there was some other shit going down. Apparently there are  a few people gone from my job that went through the program. I can see if you quit, but apparently a few people got fired. Like, what the fuck did you do to get fired from a work abroad program?? Anyway, so when I officially approached my program directly with valid evidence of my situation and so very eloquently stated my feelings toward the situation, they were probably already fired up about whatever situations were going on. At the end of the day, I just really wanted to be fucking heard. So they were on top of everything. And I automatically saw a change in one particular trouble maker.

At first he would ignore me when he first find out that I directly contacted my people about what was going on there. Which I had every right too. And I refuse to apologize about. I paid too much damn money to come out here and not get what I paid for. The had me too fucked. #wrongbitch.com But then I guess he understood and pulled me aside directly and apologized for everything. He also mentioned how he would try harder to meet my needs per required of my program. Fine. I appreciate it. But we will see if the change will actually occur in this upcoming week. It seems to be a bad habit of a lot of men out here saying things and then following through. Like what the fuck is that about?

Anyway, another really nice thing that happened at work is that we recently got a new team leader. Now I don't exactly know what that means, but I am assuming it is under the lines of management. IDK. But all I know is, that she is starting to change how things work in our department. Which I kinda like. It would be nice to have some order and logical things happening. Like, oh IDK, having someone more suitable for the front of the house be in the front of the house instead of in the back. I'm just saying though. I know that she can come off pretty strong sometimes or it seems like she is over compensating for something, but I actually don't mind it. People get intimidated by a strong willed and determined woman. Plus she understands our needs a little more than the managers do. Its crazy how some people didn't have to put much time in to get there position while others had to be in that same position for years before progressing.

Either way, I feel more part of the group working there now. Although now that I think about it, there was one person who was looking out for me from the start. And I will not forget to thank her. She always tried to make sure that I got what I was suppose to. Even finally getting me to be able to work in the restaurant after weeks of being told that I would. IDK if you read my blog or not boo, but I've notice your hard work in helping me and you are my numero uno. Thanks girl for always looking out for me. And thanks to the one girl who helped me perfect my time in room service. Showing me the ropes and making sure I do shit right. LOL. Especially making sure I don't put silverware upside down in the pre-folded napkins. Thanks girl. Shout out to my two bitches.

Here some photos

Me showing this goat how to take bad selfies. Cause you know, I'm a pro at that.

Me getting real tired of their shit. Literally.

Finally we saw a mutherfucking kangaroo. And fed that bitch.

But unfortunately they are very messy eaters. But it was worth the photos. LOL

I gave a fuck once and hated it

It's been a while since I have mentioned how much I hate my job. So I'm bringing it back. Well sort of. I have officially given up on all hopes of this job. I literally will just go in, do my work, and leave. I'm done begging for basic necessities. Like enough hours to be able to pay my bills. I've said it once before and I will say it again. This hell hole really makes me miss working at CCF. I mean seriously. I know they weren't perfect, but damn do they have efficiency. And do things that make common sense. Guess you never appreciate something until it's gone. Granted I will probably never go back, LOL. I'm over this hospitality shit. You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up again. Like yeah bitch, we know you hate your job. But do you really know? Do I truly express the distastefulness and the anguish I feel when I walk through those doors on a daily basis? No worries, I will further explain.  

But where oh where shall I start? There are so many wonderful shitty things I can say about this place. I know, lets talk uniforms. First off, the uniforms are actually not that bad. Visually at least. I really do hate my pants though. So the one thing that this employer does do is provide uniforms for it's staff. Which is great. However, the actual staff that handles this process is rude as hell. Not all, but most. And it's probably because they don't want extra added work either. And I don't blame them. However, either way, hoes need a fresh clean uniform for this punk ass job. And that is not always the case. A few times I go to pick up part of my uniform, and my apron is stained with bleach. And I'm like what the fuck. They want us to be all clean and professional looking, but a bitch can't seem to get an apron that doesn't have fucking bleach stains on it. What kind of sense does that make?

Ok, so then, I had to pick up a new pair of pants because the single pair that I had since I started had ripped in the thigh area. I can't help it. I'm voluptuous. My thighs rubbed together when I walk. So I go see if they have a second pair for me. I've already had to get a pair of shoes and a shirt for this damn job. For a company that apparently provides the uniform for their employees, they sure do a shitty job. But they managed to muster up the most uncomfortable pair of pants possible. Fine whatever. So I go pick up the new pair which was a miracle that they had them. But the pants also were ripped in the thigh. And I'm like, how the hell am I suppose to work like this? So I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to buy my own pants and have them reimburse me. Because they can't seem to do shit right. Why would they allow the hardworking people to give us ripped and bleached uniforms? Then expect us to  maintain a specific visual appearance? 

And I truly don't understand the conditions that we have to deal with by working here. Shit, if I knew that working with this company in this industry was going to be like this, I would have definitely chosen a different profession. But my greedy ass had to go where the money was. Not knowing that was wrong. I mean, how was I suppose to know that if a certain manager doesn't like you, you wont get fucking hours. That's another thing that I don't agree with. How can you claim to be a manager, but you act like you just another employee who thinks they better than everyone else. It's a definite misuse of power. And the fact that it has not been brought to the proper persons attention pisses me off. It's treatments like this, the reason damn unions where formed. I don't even know it this company has a union. Probably not. Because then they would most definitely have to change the way they do things. And part of me feels bad because some of the innocent souls there only know this. They don't know and understand what it is like to be treated with respect in a work place.

That's what makes me a target though. The fact that I do know the difference and will speak up of mistreatment towards me. So when I do try to voice my opinion, I get penalized for it by being put on entry level work. Or bitch work as most people, including me, calls it. LOL,  Even though a bitch got years of experience. But no one seems to care about that or the other relevant skills that I have. Which makes matters even worse. And I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place for coming out here through an agency.  Because I'm too smart to quit without a second option. Yet I'm struggling everyday to walk through those doors without wanting to kill myself. The only good thing is knowing that I do work with a few great people. Who makes this whole painful process a little less painful. I'm at the point where I don't even care that I'm not getting my definite 30 hours a week required by my agency. Like today, I worked 2 hours. I'm just tired of having to bitch about the same shit. That are things that I shouldn't even have to bitch about. Long story short, I still hate my job and I can't wait until my contract is up in February. Although, I will miss the great people and friends I have met here. 

Here's dem photos

So I know this one is kind hard to make out. But those are Jelly fish in the water!!! The circular clear circular things that is. LOL. The other cleat thing is a plastic bag.

My face when I wake up and realize I have to work. LOL

This is a pond thing of some sort. It was cool. And my photo is straight up computer screen saver worthy. LOL

Blue Mountain adventures

There is no secret that I have bee super stressed about being out here. It doesn't help that I get extremely restless as well. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having lazy days. But I find the older I get, the more stimulation I need. No. Not that kind of stimulation. Well....... yeah that one too, but I mean mental stimulation. Whenever there is too much repetition, I need something to break it to keep my interest. It's the artsy side of me. But I need something. Since spring has officially sprung here in Sydney, I figure it is time to get outdoors. During the day. Sober. And being stuck in the house while I have 5 unwanted days off in a row, is by far the most unpleasant thing I can think of. I mean that and having 5 unwanted days in a row off.

Anyway, today has been the nicest day in a long time. so I had decided to go to Blue Mountain. Now I have been trying to go for the longest time. And since I could not help or change my unfortunate situation with my job. Which I am slightly hating less and less by the way. I have decided to quit complaining when I can't work and go on day adventures. Because I'm tired of bitching about the same fucking thing over and over. And in reality, it is a blessing in disguise. This gives me the best opportunity to see Australia on a budget. If I get up early enough, I can make a whole day out of it. Even if I have to travel over 2 hours to go see some good shit. Or mediocre shit. Or just to get out of the city in general.

Which is what I did today. Now by public transportation, Blue Mountains is about 2 hours and 50min. At least coming from where I live. The train from the city to the Blue Mountain area alone is about 2 hours. Fine. I like trains. The views going into the country are absolutely beautiful. So this morning, I got up at 8am. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. All giddy to finally get out of the damn city. And hopefully see a kangaroo. LOL. I leave the house to walk to the train station at a little past 9:30 this morning. Had my music blasting. Just enjoying every moment about my start of the day. Get to the train station, realized I was at the wrong one. Like an idiot. So I leave that train station and start walking to the actual station I needed to be at. Then, just my luck, the free shuttle comes. Drops me off a couple feet away from where I needed to go. Cool. Back on track and looking gravy.

Get to the correct station, forgot which platform I was suppose to go to. I go ask for help. The attendant was extremely helpful and told me I just missed the train out and will have to wait an hour. No big deal. Can't help that I missed it. Plus, I had plenty of things to occupy my time with. Awesome. Finally get on the train. All nice and cozy and shit watching the beautiful scenery. An hour into the train ride ride, there is an announcement from the conductor saying the train was terminating. Something about the tracks were broken. So everyone gets off and walks over to the shuttle buses. Which everyone did not fit on, but we already knew that was going to happen. Those of us who were unable to get on the first 10 buses had to wait. We ended up waiting for about 30 min.

The bus ride was 45 min to one stop of the Blue Mountain National Park. We get there and everyone is asking so many different questions about how to get to the same place. Now I had my GPS on the entire time, which I later found was a huge mistake. But I got super confused and decide to listen to my GPS. So I had to get back on the train that was apparently fixed after we got on the shuttle bus. Another 20 min. Get to my final stop and my phone dies. At this point, it is around 2:30 pm or so. I was so frustrated that I could not seem to figure out how the fuck to get to the National park. UGH. So I stop at this restaurant to charge my phone and get lunch. Luckily they had free wifi. Look up the directions and realized I still had to walk 30 min to the actual park.

I got to the park a little before 4 pm. Got some info and headed on my way. I must say. The whole journey to get there was soooooo worth it. It was absolutely beautiful.They had a 30 min easy walk one way. Which I naturally did. Then I realized it was just a walkway to the actual hiking part. They had medium to hard. I tried my hand at one of the medium range ones when I saw the baby waterfall. Oh lord Jesus. I lasted 20 min. That particular trail was no joke. LOL. Next time I go back, I plan on being prepared. Last time I hiked like that was when I was in Liverpool. LOL. But all in all, it was a really great day. Saw some beautiful scenery, got some exercise, and got out the city. I also got some pretty nice photos. And no. I still haven't seen a damn kangaroo.

Here are some BM photos:

 Da Baby waterfall!!!!

No new bitches

We have new flatmates! Our landlord wasted no time in finding new people. He need a fucking geography class though. He don't know where nobody is from. He apparently thinks that everyone is from fucking England. Like if you don't get your uncultured ass out of here. With his punk ass. Anyway, so we had no time to basque in the glory of having the entire apartment to ourselves. The old bitches just left. Like a few hours ago. And the new bitches moved in literally an hour after the last flatmate left. And we weren't even here when this happened. Granted, I wanted to wait until the last Flatmate left when we weren't there. Cause then I could come back and throw all her food and shit away and get a chance to clean out the fridge before the new girls came. Luckily I had  30 min. They weren't home when we came back from eating and grocery shopping.

So the new girls are indeed not from the UK. They are from Scotland. One seems pretty nice, but this other bitch. I feel like I'm not going to like her. Because I already don't. It's funny because they are like we were when we first met the old girls. Maaike was pretty standoff-ish and I was very friendly. But then everyone finally realized I'm a hard ass bitch that knows what she wants. It's just hidden. Ok it's not at all hidden. My bitch face apparently says it all. But I can't help that. Anyway, so the other new girl also has a pretty bad bitch face. I'm pretty sure it is worse than mine. It also doesn't help that they are not that cute. However, her little attitude reminds me of the attitude that I be having sometimes. And that is why I don't care for her.

She also seem really bossy. Another very obvious attribute that I have. Like this is your first day here. Don't come up in here trying to change shit. Go sit down and let me show you the ropes. I am going to give them a chance. Because I think it would be cool for us to have cool flat parties and shit. Poppin bottles of cheap vodka. LOL. Or even going out together and having dinner and shit. Some good ole bonding time. Because at the end of the day, bitches gone need a place to stay when they come to Scotland. LOL. I don't know. I hope they are cleaner than the last girls were. Basically anyone would be cleaner than the last girls were though, to be honest. Cause them hoes was just nasty. Cool, but nasty. So we will see how they are. Keeping my fingers crossed that they are not huge bitches.

Here some photos

That one time Maaike and I tried to walk from Coogie beach to Bondi and didn't make it. LOL

Yeah. It's just a tree. But I took the picture because Maaike was taking pictures of trees and shit and I wanted to be artsy too. 

Us clearly being too Vogue for the camera. LOL. 

When hoes overstay they welcome

So my flatmates are something special. Very nice girls. But I would be lying if I said I am not excited for their asses to leave this weekend. They are just the messiest girls Iv'e ever lived with. Like how hard is it to clean up after yourself? I truly don't understand this very simple concept. I mean if you set something down in the shared space, pick it up and take it to your personal space. If you cook, wash your dishes after. Or even if you top the garbage off. Fucking take it out. Ugh. This is why I have never lived with other people. It doesn't work that well for me because I am so anal about basic living necessities.

Anyway, so one of my flatmates is from Sweden. She is my second fav roomie. Obviously my roomie that I share a room with is my number 1. Well one day, Maaike, Sherelle, and I go to this dumb ass meet and greet meeting through the program I went through to come out here. Which I am not even gonna lie, was super beneficial. I actually met a few cool people and expressed my true feelings about the program. Don't know if anything will change, but it was nice just to voice my opinion and my frustration. And they had free drink vouchers. Which I thought it was going to be like free drinks all night. And food. I thought there would be food there too. It was not.

So after this shindig, we went to dinner. We invited this one Swedish girl from the program that I work with. She will remain nameless for future blog entries about her ass. Anyway, we are all enjoying dinner in this cute little restaurant. Then I get this long ass message from our Swedish flatmate. This bitch, and I say that in the nicest way possible, has invited two of her male friends to stay with us until they find farm work. So I share this info with Maaike. And we are just dumbfounded. Now it wasn't a huge issue. Fine. I understand that we have Sherelle over all the time and Maaike has boys over a lot. But we also don't just leave them there when we are not home. The issue was that she told us that day. The day they arrived in Sydney. And the moment they got to the apartment.

Her mistake was telling me that they texted her a month ago about this. That's when I kinda flipped out. So I'm texting her back and forth about this shit. And her ruining my fucking dinner time because of this bullshit. Bitch, you do not live by yourself. You don't think it was sufficient information to tell a  bitch that you got two guys coming to stay on our couch for a few days? And she couldn't even tell me when they were leaving either. So that also pissed me off. Because it seemed like they would stay until after she left the city. And I told her that they better not be there once she moved out. Unless they were taking over her room.

So after dinner, we get home and I take a little walk with her and talk about this situation. Long story short, we worked everything out. And the boys obviously stayed on our couch. For way too fucking long. I assumed that they would stay a few days, but no. These dudes made themselves at home. They had their shit everywhere and had more groceries in the fridge than we did. They were nice. Don't get me wrong. But after spending fucking 10 days on someones couch, you got to go. They were also messy. Just like the fucking girls. I was stressing out big time. Because I already clean up after everyone anyway. I would come home from working a long as shift and just see alcohol bottles and take out bags everywhere. Just chilling like they having they own party and shit.

I was so pissed!!!!! I was already stressed from work. Then I come home and get even more stressed. Which made me sick. Which makes me a huge bitch. OK a bigger bitch. So I didn't say anything to anyone. And I just started cleaning. While they were trying to watch a movie. And I wanted them to feel bad. Like yes, I am cleaning up your fucking mess. I mean, if I wanted to clean up after people, I would have had kids. But I didn't. Then a miracle happened. I went to grab lunch one day before work. Sick and all. And I see the boys cleaning. So at first I didn't think anything of it. But I get back and the place is spotless. Their shit is all packed up and the living room looked like it once did before they came. Stopped me dead in my tracks. A bitch nearly cried from all the beauty. LOL. I was shocked and amazed. No one has ever cleaned there besides me.

So I had to say something to them. I thanked them for cleaning. And I told them they don't even understand how thankful I was. One of the Swedish boys was like, " Well we notice that you are the only who cares if it is cleaned in here or not. The other girls don't care. Which I don't understand why." I said me either boo. Me either. But now.......... We have our living room back. And it is temporarily clean. And the other flatmates leave this weekend. Still sick though. But that's ok. Because I now have this fuck this shit attitude. Yay.

Here some photos: Sunset addition!! I don't have many photos. Most are of me going out to eat and drinking. So my bad. LOL.

Confronting these hoes

Before I came to Australia, I was in therapy. I must say, it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I still can't thank Mandy enough for helping me find the place that I did. I feel like my therapist had really helped me. Despite our huge differences. But I have manage to use the skills that he helped me find. Which I know he would be so proud of me. One of the things he really helped me with was confrontation. Well more just telling the person they pissed me off that they pissed me off. I mean now I love it. It's so liberating. That being said, I had to have a nice talking to with a few people at work about how they need to stop treating me a certain way.

So I know sometimes I can be very irrational. It's to the point where I need to be getting paid for being a prime example of irrationality. So when I feel like someone is treating me a certain type of way, I have to take a step back and really look at the situation. And I do that by bitching to my friends and them telling me I'm tripping real hard. And I'm like, ok. You right. So when I analyzed a few situations at work, I thought oh hell no. He coming at me oh so wrong. And like I've said before, a bitch need her job.

I was working in the bar yesterday and my favorite peoples to work with weren't there. So I had to work with the boys that I don't normally work with. And the new guy. Which I absolutely love. He just started last week. Fucking hilarious. And he actually helps me to do things. Like most of the guys in the bar treat me like I am suppose to do the cleaning and all the shitty jobs. But he makes it shared work. Well him and one other bar boy. Which is why I like working with them. It makes things so much easier when I'm not pissed for being treated like a second class citizen. Then I don't have to stab nobody.

Anyway, the other two fellas I worked with yesterday kinda got under my skin. Normally I would let the anger linger then blow the fuck up. But this time, I just went to them right away. Cause I'm getting to old for that shit. I mean a bitch is pushing 30 after all. I gots to be thirty flirty and thriving! But I was focusing on the lobby, which my manager explained to me why he wanted me to focus on it. So I'm making more of effort to prioritize my responsibilities at work now. So I wasn't really behind the bar. So guy 1 would ask me to basically do his job by running drinks to the restaurant. The bar normally has 2 bartenders that stay behind the bar, a drinks runner, and a lobby attendant. So it is 4 of us in total. But the new guy and guy 2 were the ones who had to stay behind the bar. So guy 1 kept trying to tell me to run the drinks. And I'm like, naw bro. That's your job. 

Well obviously I didn't actually say that. But I did say my focus is on the lobby tonight. Which is why they brought in a drinks runner. After that, guy 1 stopped asking me to run drinks for him. Good. cause I'm not doing your job and mine. Bitch please. He had me fucked up! So then later in the evening, I was making a drink and guy 2 comes at me too sideways. Now I know what the fuck I'm doing when I make drinks right? So I'm pouring the drink and he stops me and is like, you are using the wrong alcohol. Then he pulls another bottle down and tells me the "right" alcohol to use. Right in front of all the customers. So everyone is looking at me like I don't know what I'm doing and they choose not to go to me to order drinks. I was so fucking embarrassed. 

So I let him finish helping the other customers. Then a little later I pulled him to the side and told him that I knew what I was doing when I picked up the more expensive bottle of alcohol. I said, I understand you don't work with me often, but I do know what I'm doing. I chose the more expensive one for a reason. And him and guy 1 need to stop treating me like I don't know what I'm doing. Because you are pissing me off. I've been in this damn industry longer than they have been out of fucking high school. Ok. So they need to back the fuck off and let me do what I do best. Which is make our company money. Then he felt bad and apologized. Which he should. Because you could have pulled me to the side to say that to me after I finished with the customer. Just like when a guest ask me why we had changed our policy on having tabs, and I was explaining it to him. Then guy 2 comes along talks over me to repeat the same shit I already said. So just like my favorites that I work with, I'm going to have to shut guy 1 & 2 male ego down when they talking to me. Thing 1 and thing 2 having asses. They about to make me become an unfriendly black hottie. And they will not like that and I will not give two shits.

Here dem photos doe

I found LOVE in a hopeless place. LOL. Naw. It was in Manly beach.

Me with the bae.

Getting dinner with da bitches. 

Customer service ain't easy bruh

I am really good at customer service. Like really good. But sometimes even the people who are the best at it, will get that one prick who will make them want to go to prison. This is how I felt at work yesterday. This dude was straight about to make me get my ass deported. He had absolutely no right to treat me in the manner that he did. And for me to retain my composure and not act on my feelings is proof of how much I have grown as a person. I remember once flipping out for getting a stern talking to for something I had no business doing in the first place. So to sit there and allow this ungodly treatment? Well I am glad my manager had stepped him.

So this is what happened:

Every Saturday in the Harbour, they have fireworks. Which are very clearly visible from my job. Most people like to go outside and watch them. So people leave their tables abandoned. Now normally this does not effect me because I'm never working in the restaurant. Except yesterday. I was ask to cleear and reset tables. So when everyone went outside to go see the fireworks, I tried to make a note of the tables that were empty and those who were coming back. Cool. Worked just fine for me. I knew what work I had to do. Once the fireworks ended, everyone returned to their tables as expected. So I'm coming back to the restaurant from the bar and this piece of shit human being stops me. He starts asking me why did I clear his table. Which I proceeded to say that I did not clear his table. That there were a few of us clearing tables.

I had no clue what he was trying to get at. This dick starts talking to me in a condescending way about why I shouldn't be clearing tables. Especially his. He then proceeds to insult my competence as a person because his table was cleared. Still, no fucking idea what he is talking about. So I'm standing there listening to him constantly disrespect me for something I had absolutely nothing to do with. Then he mentions his book that was on the table. Now this was the first time I have seen these guest all night. And this was my first interaction with them. So I am just absolutely clueless on what they had on their table. I also could not give two fucking shits. They are not my guest. I wasn't even dealing with guess that night. If someone needed something, I of course would help them. But for the most part, I let the servers take care of their own tables and guest. As they should.

Anyway, so he then goes on about his stupid fucking book. Speaking in a manner as if I didn't understand the word book. Like dude, first of all, I'm the only one of us who has English as a first language. So back the fuck up. Now at this point, I am struggling through apologizing for the inconvenience and am promising to go find were his book went. Yet he doesn't let me leave. He continues to sit there and say every possible insult he can think of. He finally "dismisses" me to go find his book. Now at this point, I feel my blood starting to boil. So I quickly walk away and grab a manager. The manager goes and does his manager things while I proceed to search for this damn book that he kept talking about. Mind you, he gave me no details on what it looks like. So I don't even know what I was looking for. But I eventually find it. Turns out, it wasn't even a fucking book at all. It was a planner.

I bring the book to the table and instead of a thank you, like any decent person would say, he continued to talk down to me. This fucking man was apparently not finished with the insults either. Just saying the same things over and over. So at this point, I am so fucking pissed. And it started to show on my face and slightly in my tone when I spoke to defend myself. So he then proceeds to make the insults more and more hurtful. That is when my manager physically pushed me out of the way and told me to go in the back. Which I am glad he did. I was ready to curse him out in the middle of th restaurant. And I need my job. I am out here on a visa. A bitch can't catch a case and end up on locked up abroad. I was so pissed. Sometimes when I get that pissed, I cry.

So I go in the back and I shed my tears. Not many. Just a couple to get the steam out. My manager comes back and tries to give me a pep talk on the shit that I already knew. I'm like, I not crying because what that excuse of a human said to me. No. He can go fuck himself with every rusty infected rod out there. He can go kick rocks with no shoes on, on burning asphalt in a volcano. I was crying to release my frustration over the fact that I could do nothing. I felt powerless. I have been in this industry for a long time. I know I will get people like this. But when I do, I need a minute to release my frustration. Before a bitch feel the need to pop a cap in someones ass. I don't need a fucking pep talk. I know he was trying to help, but it was so not working. And I had every right to feel the way that I did.

But that is ok. I got through it. But I knew I would. I just needed my minute. Plus, there is a special place in hell for people like that. I will personally set up the room for them. Leaving mints on pillows and shit. If you are a piece of shit like this guy was, you need not go out anywhere in public. Don't ruin everyone else's life by making them interact with you. Thanks much.

Here some photos

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Das crew. Clearly not sober.

I uh. I have no fucking idea what this is,

Chips and Eyes!!! Went to Manly today and tried something new. It was actually pretty good!

Getting your shit together is hard

So I have been on the hunt for another job. I am not satisfied of where I am with my current employer. So the best thing I can do in order to accomplish my goal for coming out here is to add another employer. It will also get me out of the bed and see some damn daylight for once. LOL. But I have been extremely stressed on a situation that I felt I had no control over. I kept thinking that I have exercised all of my options in order to get what I need from this job. Now although I have done a lot in order to better my job experience here, I know deep down inside I can do so much more.

Now I know what you are thinking. Well why not have the program you went through help you out? Yes. I've thought about that too. But after my last interaction with a certain person there about my job. I have decided that I wasted my money on this damn program and realized that I will not get the help and support I need from them. Except for one person who works there. And is super amazing. But I don't know if she can do anything from halfway across the world. She has been there for me and helped me since day 1. And honestly the the only reason why I started recommending the company in the first place. In hopes that whoever goes through with it will get her. I can go on and on about how she made this transition so much easier for me. Even when I arrived in Sydney the first day and I called her for advice and questions. The best support I've had since I started working with them.

Anyway, so since I have to figure this shit out myself, I am looking for another job. Now my other roommates both work at the same restaurant. And they are both leaving in about two weeks. So we occasionally chat and I told them about my situation at work. They so very kindly told me to apply at their job. Which has 3 different types of restaurants. Including a cafe that opens at 6:30am. So I was like, this is perfect for me because I am only allowed to work at night for some dumb ass reason. But I checked the website out and sent in my resume. Which I think looks pretty good. Yet, my roommate told me to physically go in there because they are desperate. And I'm like that's perfect because so am I. So I went in today, not knowing it was busy as fucking hell. I haven't seen business like that since the fucking Cheesecake Factory. That gave me so much hope for the future. LOL.

I met with the manager for about 5 seconds. He told me that he will look at my resume and call me next week. When I woke up this morning I was very optimistic and hopeful. But after meeting with him, I didn't quite feel so optimistic. I know it was because he was busy, but I did feel a little brushed off. Then it got me thinking. Is there something about me that is off putting to people? Like is it a physical appearance? is it my attitude? I think I'm pretty charming when I first meet people. But I will be sitting here waiting for a call. or an email. Even  though sometimes it's hard to remember and recognized, I am not a quitter. My pride and will wont let me. So I'll say some prayers and keep my fingers crossed. Shit maybe I'll do some voodoo or magic or something. Anything to get another job and get out of this funk I'm in. I want to finally truly enjoy my experience here.

Here some photos

I don't even remember taking this picture. It's somewhere in the harbour.

The view from my hostel window. LOL. I was super bored that day. But that is Central Station.

Me practicing my National Geographic photo taking.